Hilarious Observations……..

• I changed my car horn to sounds of gunshot. People move out of the way much faster now. Am at peace driving wherever I want.
• Gone are the days when girls used to cook delicious food like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. They are better of that way.
• I decided to rename my bathroom to GYM. I feel so much better saying I went to the gym this morning than just taking a bath.
• Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins. After that life is sure a boxing ring.
• I do not need Anger Management. I need people to stop irritating me. They have become a pain in my ass.
• When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment. Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation. Feels lazy to get up and go about my little chores.
• Wife in a very sweet voice: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?  Husband in his quiet voice: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
• I do not have grey hair. I have just started having ‘wisdom highlights.’ I am just very wise and intelligent now.
• I have lost my mind and Iam going crazy. Am pretty sure my spouse took it and ran away with my precious sensibility.
• Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.  They are a handful and there are always arguments who is the better referee.
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• Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.  My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me. There is no question of any choices given to me.
• Man: Is there any way for long life?   Dr.: Get married.   Man: Will it help? Dr.: No, but then the thought of long life will never come to your mind.  You will definitely want to cut your life shorter and shorter.