Humour with a Twist……

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-I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you at the back of cars.

-The last thing I want to do is hurt you in a most horrible way, but it is still on my bucket list. I will surely have my way.

-My mind isn’t twisted and perverted, its strategically bent and curved in a precarious way in several places.

-Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak and cause fools of themselves.

-Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit- salad and spoiling its awesome taste.

-To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

-I’m great at multi-tasking, I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once.

-Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are pretty sexy. 

– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity because I am allergic and break out in sarcasms.

Enjoy these simple humours with a twist. Smile and laugh heartily at the sametime. Always be happy and joyful and do not have a garlic face cause no one likes the smell of it.

It is a divine art to always look cheerful and it sure helps others.

Keep Me In Your Prayers……..

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Since we always say “Keep me in your prayers” to each other, I thought of sharing a small story about the actual meaning of these five words:

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island. The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other recourse but to pray to God. However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on the opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man’s parcel of land remained barren. After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, there was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing. Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes and more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God’s blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, ‘Why are you leaving your companion on the island?’ ‘My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them’ the first man answered, ‘His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything.’ ‘You are mistaken!’ the voice rebuked him. ‘He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings.’

Tell me,’ the first man asked the voice, ‘what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?’ The Voice said: ‘He prayed that all your prayers be answered and to bless you enough. He did not want to see your wishes not being granted and wanted you to be satisfied and lead a comfortable life with your family. He was happy in your joys and that you deserved what you were looking for.’

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us. What you do for others is more important than what you do for yourself. Lord, Keep Me Always In Your Prayers that I may serve others better and be happy in their happiness.  May your cup of Love  and Kindness overflow equally to one and all.

Morning Blues……..

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I am a kind of a gypsy

I have no fear nor woes

A thrust of joy drives me crazy

Mornings are fresh and moving

With a guitar hung at my side

I merrily set out for the day

On my bicycle made for the roads

Soft raindrops keep falling timidly

I cross bridges with glee and ease

Whistling wind that ruffles my hair

Trees are nodding their heads at me

Tulips and jasmines are in tune

Waterfalls cascading in a flowing gown

The Hills are beckoning and calling

Little wizards out sipping their concoctions

And birds humming a jingle or two

Flapping their wings of fantasy

Life for me is awfully simple

Singing along on this fun filled blues…………..

 

Man O Man……..

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Man O Man! Never can enjoy a contented life!

When without money, eats simple vegetables at home with family and is so satisfied and contented; when has money, eats the same vegetables in a fine-dining restaurant splurging on food that is not tasty.

When without money, rides a simple bicycle with joy and carefree approach; when has money rides the same ‘exercise machine’ at a heavy price to reduce his extra weight that is so uncomfortable.

When without money walks for days together with hard labor, to earn humble food for his family the whole day; when has sufficient money, walks to burn fat that has been accumulated all over his body.

Man O Man! Never fails to deceive thyself!

When without money, wishes to get married and live a happy life; when has money, wishes to get divorced as many times as he wants.

When without money, acts like a rich man; when has money acts like a poor man.

Man O Man! Never can tell the simple truth!

Says share market is bad, but keeps speculating; says money is evil, but keeps accumulating more and more.

Says high positions are lonely, but keeps wanting them more and more.

Says gambling and drinking is bad, but keeps indulging almost everyday.

Man O Man! Never means what he says and never says what he means.

If you are happy, you don’t need expensive make up and clothes! Your eyes tell the whole story! Difference is only in our thinking and behavior once we have everything and want to have more and more.  Desires have no staircase they keep on growing.  Life is so much easier and beautiful when we do not hoard things. Enjoy every moment of life in its simplicity.

Cleaning of Unwanted Weeds…….

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One day a teacher in a secondary school at Wisconsin in London asked her students to bring some fresh tomatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each tomato was to be given the name of a person whom that child hated. So, the number of tomatoes would be equal to the number of persons they hated. On a pre-determined day, all the children brought their tomatoes and they well addressed each one with fancy felt-pens. Some had two, some had three and some had five, some even had 20 tomatoes in accordance with the number of people they hated.

The teacher then told them they had to carry the tomatoes with them everywhere they went for two weeks. As the days passed the children started to complain about the decay and smell of the tomatoes. The students who had many tomatoes complained it was very heavy to carry and the smell was too much. After a week, the teacher asked the students, ‘How did you feel this week?’ The children complained of the awful smell and heavy weight of the tomatoes, especially those who carried several tomatoes. They were feeling too unclean and no friend was ready to sit and chat with them. They were not understanding why the teacher had given them this ridiculous assignment.

The teacher then very nicely explained to them and said: ‘This is very similar to what you carry in your heart when you do not like some people. Hatred makes the heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred everywhere. If you cannot bear the smell of spoilt tomatoes for a week, imagine the impact of bitterness on your heart as you carry it daily. Our heart is a beautiful garden that needs regular cleaning of unwanted weeds. Forgive those who have angered you. Let go of things that are not important and make ample space in your room for storing good things. Get Better, Not Bitter. Make friends not enemies. Life is a full circle of happiness. Do everything with a Good Heart. Enjoy eating your tomatoes with everyone. Sharing is caring.

A Wise Old Owl……

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A wise old Owl

Sat on an Oak Tree

Munching away on His Acorn

All by Himself to His glory

Not to be perturbed by other birds

But silently seeing the fun and frolic.

The more He saw His Aura

Like a flightless brush of air

Chiseled and molded finely was He

The less He spoke, quiet He became

Words were not required

He could enjoy the scenic stillness.

The More He Heard

From would be passersby

He thought to Himself

Why can’t we be

Like that Wise Old Bird?

Who is never to be seen

Yet seen also…………

Laughter that adds a Little Spice……

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–  Why did the skeleton not cross the road?

    He did’nt have the guts.

–  What did the left eye say to the right eye?

   Between you and me, something smells. 

–  Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?

   Reports say it was due to, too many strokes.

–  What kind of emotions do noses feel?

   Nostalgia!

–  Why did the barber win the race?

   Because he took a short cut!

–  Why can’t a leopard hide?

   Because he is always spotted!

–  Why was the math’s book sad?

   Because it had too many problems!

–  How is dew formed?

   The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

–  How can you delay milk turning sour?

   Keep it in the cow.

–  What is a terminal illness?

   When you are sick at the airport.

–  Name the four seasons?

   Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

-What do you call dental X-rays?

  Tooth pics.

Laughter is the Best Medicine. If you do not want to be old before you really ought to be, than be cheerful in your thoughts, words and appearance and Laugh Out Loud at every little things that come in your way. The most wasted day in our life is the Day in which we have not laughed and it sure adds a little pinch of spice mixed together with lots of merriment.